Christian Legal Centre’s Michael Phillips sums up the most helpful advice for Christians seeking to fight a porn addiction.
If you are struggling with an addiction to porn, we want to help.
There are many websites and organisations dedicated to other forms of addiction (drug, alcohol) and a number dedicated to addictions to child abuse images. But it is difficult to find appropriate support to defeat an addiction to pornography, masturbation and other forms of destructive sexual behaviour.
The gospel speaks into all areas of life and God cares about our sexual behaviour. Jesus teaches that the only good place for expression of our sexual nature is in a lifelong loving relationship of marriage. Sexual activity outside marriage is not what we have been designed for. That said, there is no condemnation for those willing and wanting to turn away from destructive sexual behaviour and follow Christ.
If you have a porn addiction, you might have been told that you should just ‘stop it’ or that you need to pray or fast more. Although there is some truth in such statements, they are often made by people that have never experienced the power of addiction. As a society we would never now say to an alcoholic, ‘just don’t buy alcohol’, recognise that alcohol addiction is powerful and such people need professional help.
The porn problem
In 2014, the Barna Group conducted a pornography survey that found that:
- 79% of Christian men aged 18-30 view porn monthly
- 37% of Christian men view porn several times a week.
- April 2016 Time magazine reported, “Today more than 100 million people in the U.S. visit adult sites monthly.”
In America, 84% of men and 72% of women aged 25-29 years old have masturbated alone in the last year.[1]
If you are addicted to pornography, you probably encountered porn for the first time as a young teenager. Many of your friends also probably started looking at the same time as you, but you found yourself unable to stop. You made resolution after resolution, prayer after prayer, but progress was only temporary.
It may sound perverse, but porn is not so much the problem, but a symptom of the problem. Often, this addiction is more about the regulation of our emotions, a way to self-soothe, rather than it is a purely ‘sexual’ desire. Therefore, until you address the root causes of the emotional problems, the addiction won’t go away.
You may well need professional help
If you are a Christian, struggled with porn for many years and not been able to give up, you might have had following thoughts:
- I’m just a really bad person and God can’t help me.
- I’m not a true Christian.
- God’s not there.
These are lies from the enemy.
In truth, God has set free millions of people from this and other addictions, many of whom were in far worse state of addiction.
The Bible teaches that we all stumble (sin) in many ways[2], and the best thing to do is to own up to our sin[3], as our rescuer is Jesus Christ who wants to save[4]. But the issue is, why do some Christians keep struggling with addictions when the Bible promises that we will have freedom from sin’s power[5]?
In short, the Bible teaches that we will struggle with sin and may do so for significant periods of our life[6], but we should never give up the struggle. We should trust our heavenly Father that we will in time experience deliverance[7].
If you have tried everything and are still failing, it is time you got professional help.
What is a porn addiction?
There are many definitions of a porn addiction, but a basic rule of thumb is that if you can’t stop using porn for good (complete abstinence for at least a year), then you probably have an addiction. There are of course degrees of addiction, from someone who uses pornography once a day to those that use it once every three months. The former person has a very serious addiction and would certainly need expert help. The later person may not need expert support, but still has an addiction which has the danger of turning into something more serious given the wrong set of circumstances.
How to break the addiction
Sadly, many who desperately need help simply do not get it believing the lie that either they can beat the problem themselves and when they fail, they believe that they simply need to try harder. Others simply give up because they have failed so many times.
If the addict truly wants freedom, they will need to fight hard against this particular pattern of sin for at least one year, and possibly for the rest of their life.
Jesus said “if your eye causes you to sin, then pluck it out”. In other words, sometimes doing the right thing involves sacrificing other things, which in and of themselves might be perfectly good. For example, if the addict always uses his electronic devices to sin, breaking the addictions might involve giving up all electronic devices at home for a year (the addict might want to consider leaving their devices with a friend under lock and key).
So how can someone seek freedom from porn?
1. Accept your true identity is in Christ
True freedom from porn (and all other addictions) starts with the addict realigning herself[8] to Christ. Dr Solomon writes:
We may all think too much of ourselves or too little. In either case, it is an identity built on people (positive or negative), performance (good or bad), possessions (little or much), power (or lack thereof), and our past (good or bad). Such an identity is based on doing for ourselves, others, and God in our own strength. In other words, we are doing (or not doing) in order to be.
The identity delineated in the Scriptures has nothing to do with the way we see ourselves in relation to others or what our behavior is or has been; it is an identity based on being in Christ and finding our life in him. Any performance involved is his performance at Calvary; on our part, it is being instead of doing. In other words, as we identify ourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, we begin to live out of our new and true identity in him.
2. Recognise that the battle is primarily a spiritual battle
Ephesians 6:12 (NIV) states “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
The first step in this spiritual battle is brokenness. The addict must recognise the devastating effects on his family, his community and himself. Being overwhelmed by his selfish lifestyle and realizing how unconcerned he was about others. Most importantly, realizing that he has offended a holy God. As Steve Gallagher writes:
He has repeatedly wounded the fragile spirit of his wife, and his actions have left an indelible impression upon his children. The pleasure of his sin has come at a tremendous price. Everywhere he turns he sees the devastation of his sin. This is not the selfish whining of a person in worldly sorrow. This man is being broken over who he is. The control he has had over his life has destroyed most everything of value to him. This is a person who can see all too clearly the price of self-will. True repentance is a profound and powerful experience (or ongoing phenomenon). How shallow in comparison those empty resolutions that many have made under the term repentance!
3. Pray constantly
Our Lord promised us victory if we remain faithful to him. When we face temptation, meeting that temptation instantly in prayer in faith can extinguish the fire immediate. Leaving the thought to fester, will only result in the getting bigger and consuming the good work the addict has achieved. Even if you can’t find the words to express your prayer, remember the Holy Spirit who lives in you and will help you cry, ‘Abba, Father’[9].
4. Avoid worldly temptations
Bad company corrupts good character. The more time you spend watching secular media, the more influence it will have on you. There is increasing amounts of nudity on TV, not just naked bodies, but outfits that leave little to the imagination. This combined with the constant bad language, blasphemy, dark themes, all has an effect on one’s soul.
5. Recognise the role of emotions in temptation
Temptation to sin with pornography, like other addictions, often comes from seeking to avoid or numb strong and possibly painful emotions – like fear or anger. Ask yourself what other feelings typically come before temptation to lust and porn. What ways could you address these underlying emotions positively in those moments?
6. Do a purge of your life
This is what the therapists and/or the authors of the books below will concentrate on. The thing that strikes many Christians that go through therapy, was how seemingly minor but difficult events in the past, are still having effect today on their lives. In Ephesians we learn that we must not “do not give the devil a foothold”. For example, many Christians struggle with forgiveness. A deep wound from the past and the consequential inability to forgive has led to hurt, bitterness, anger and hatred. Rather than getting the help that they need and/or learning to forgive, they self soothe with porn.
7. Do a purge of your home
There are potential traps all over the home : unfiltered internet, TV, magazines, catalogues, newspapers etc. It is important to ruthlessly root out anything in the home which the devil might use in a time of weakness. The addict who is going to get the victory must do everything within his power to minimise the enemy’s ability to affect him spiritually. These sacrificial decisions are what Jesus was referring to when he spoke about tearing out eyeballs and cutting off one’s hands.
This is not legalism: it isn’t putting in new rules that replace your need for Christ. Rather, it is wisdom that picks up the cross and follows Christ.
Recognise that secular media is not your friend. A Harvard University project included a comprehensive study on television’s role in the sexual education of children. Their study revealed that 70% of all allusions to intercourse on television involve unmarried couples or prostitutes.
8. Therapists/counsellors
For people who use porn more than twice a month, there are counsellors and therapists that specialise in treatment of sex and love addiction. Even if you use porn less than twice a month, you might not think you have a serious issue. However, you might. An inability to give up porn, suggests that you might have unresolved issues that you are still seeking to resolve.
Feel free to contact us if you need help in finding an appropriate Christian therapist or counsellor who works in this area.
9. Reading/media material
For those who use porn less than once a month, there are a number of helpful books:
- At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry. This seminal book by Steve Gallagher is a must-read. Steve speaks from personal experience which cannot be bettered. The book aims to expose “the real roots of sexual addiction, clearly [mark] the path to a victorious life, and conclusively [affirm] the authority of God’s Word through personal testimony.
- Bondage breaker by Dr Neil Anderson. The book address harmful habits, negative thinking, and irrational feelings that can all lead to sinful behaviour and keep the believer in bondage.
- The Handbook to Happiness by Dr Charles Solomon. The author encourages the believer to exchange their life for Christ’s. Instead of “trying to live the Christian life,” which revolves around our own efforts, the believer must allow Christ to live his life in us. The reliance on human effort is gone and frees us to become totally Christ-centred.
- The Freedom in Christ video series based on the book Bondage breaker. This is a ten 45-minute teaching sessions, which shows believers how to gain victory over sin and doubt through identity in Christ with practical, step-by-step guidance.
10. Porn blockers
A porn blocker alone will not do the trick. However, combined with getting the appropriate help from professionals, this is one important weapon in the armoury.
Both Covenant Eyes and Net Nanny have a low monthly cost and will send an accountability email to your accountability partner.
11. Get an accountability partner
Very rarely will the addict want to confess his sin to anyone else, unless they are caught doing something. Make a decision to meet someone of the same sex (preferably more mature in the faith!) on a regular basis and get them to ask the hard questions. In-between times, chat on text.
12. Develop discipline
The devil makes work for idle hands, as mother used to say!
Having a strong routine and productive habits is a major help.
That should include:
- Waking up early to pray and read God’s word.
- Good hygiene routines (showers etc.)
- Healthy eating plans.
- Regular exercise (at least once a day).
- Leaving work on time.
- Getting to bed on time.
- Having a set routine for every evening and the weekend.
Having a plan for how to rest well is an important part of this. Knowing what you will do for ‘down time’ that brings genuine refreshment will help you avoid turning to porn through .
Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is a disciplined life. However, making steady, consistent progress towards positive, productive habits can play a major role in fighting this negative addiction.
13. Know your triggers
Once victory is achieved, the enemy will not be happy: “the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking as to who he might devour.”
Therefore, the addict might find themselves in places or meeting people with whom they have a strong emotional connection from the past, sometimes called a ‘Soul tie’. Alternatively, old problems that reappear. There will be that temptation to again self-soothe with porn: old arguments, patterns of thinking, the same problems at work. Temptation will come, but with each little victory the addict will make it harder for the enemy to get in.
14. Encourage others
The final stage of the 12-step programme used in Alcoholics Anonymous, is to go and be an evangelist.
Telling others of your freedom in Christ is one of the most liberating and freeing experiences. It motivates you and others and will keep you on the straight and narrow.
This, of course, must be done with sensitivity to those around you – it is worth talking this through with a mature Christian or pastor.
But may it be said of us, like the Corinthians: “…such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:11)
Find more resources on championing sexual purity from our 2020 conference
[1] https://www.statista.com/statistics/218217/comparison-of-us-men-and-women-who-masturbated-alone-by-agegroup/
[2] James 3:2 For we all stumble in many ways.
[3] 1 John 1:8 If we say that we do not have any sin, we are deceiving ourselves and we’re not being truthful to ourselves.
[4] 2 Corinthians 1:10 Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us.
[5] Romans 6 22 But now you are free from the power of sin and have become slaves of God. Now you do those things that lead to holiness and result in eternal life
[6] Romans 7:14-25
[7] Romans 8 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. 2 And because you belong to him, the power[a] of the life-giving Spirit has freed you[b] from the power of sin that leads to death.
[8] I switch between male and female terms to emphasise that both men and women can fight this battle and these points are helpful for both men and women.
[9] Romans 8:15
